we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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