why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
