went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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