My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
