guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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