Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
two words: eviction party
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
