I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
