I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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