Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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