Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
