My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
