I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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