Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
