It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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