i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
