so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
