I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
