i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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