they need to just BURY HIM!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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