Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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