Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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