Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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