Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
