I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
