Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
