I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
