I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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