im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
