Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
