My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize