Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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