apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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