is your mom at the bar?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
