Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize