I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
