i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
