What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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