He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
