My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize