After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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