so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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