You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
