12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
