im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
