I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
