I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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