I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
