Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
