C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
