I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I lost the right to judge tonight
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
