I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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