...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
