1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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