Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
