I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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