we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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