I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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