your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
