Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
