Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
