Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
