I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
