Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
