you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
