So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
