Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
