If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
