pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
