boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
