I love having hate sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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