Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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