I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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