end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
